I was always a good student. I was valedictorian of my 8th grade class and graduated 3rd in my high school (edged out by a mere .10 of a point!). Everyone (including myself) always had high expectations of me. Well, at least it felt that way. But I loved being good at school - it was my "thing." I was hopelessly klutzy and horrible at sports. I even ran track for a year since surely anyone can run, right? Well, I could physically run, but I was dead last at every meet. It was pretty humiliating, although I was in the best shape of my life. I wasn't popular - I had my close group of girlfriends that I could count on one hand and didn't date until college. I did play piano for a few years and was decent but no prodigy. But boy could I study and get straight A's! I had an almost full ride to a state school and never lost my scholarships (although I knew a lot of people who did!), even though I did my share of partying and socializing. I was always proud of my academic achievements.
I always felt from a young age that I could do anything I wanted. I could BE somebody. I felt I had the brains and the ambition to MAKE IT HAPPEN. The only problem was, what exactly did I want to be? In high school, I decided to be a microbiologist but another year of biology changed my mind. When I started college, I toyed with a myriad of careers and took all sorts of classes in an attempt to find a major. Did I want to direct movies? Be a computer scientist? Be an FBI or CIA Agent? Nope, nope, and nope (although I admit being FBI still does intrigue me a little).
Eventually, I realized I just needed to make a decision unless I wanted to be a career student. the irony was that even though I got good grades, I really hated going to school, so that wasn't an option. So, I settled on Sociology with a minor in Business. And I'll be honest, I was disappointed in this choice (especially since I was dating an Engineer - boy did I feel like an underachiever!). I had so much drive and desire but nowhere to go with it! I did all sorts of research to try and find the "perfect job." No luck. I took a test that is supposed to tell you where you interest is. The result? Apparently it was so disturbing that I had a special meeting to discuss the worrisome findings - I had no interest in anything. I kid you not.
So, I went along with my Sociology classes (which I actually liked and found interesting ) and eventually graduated (in 3.5 years no less) with my degree that opens little to no doors. And I decided that I wanted to help people. Yes! I would be a Social Worker! Actually, first I decided maybe I wanted to go to law school and even took the LSAT and applied. I got wait listed but didn't get in, but by then I had already determined my new path - save the people! It took me several months to find a job since I had no experience, but I did it! And you know what? I ABSOLUTELY HATED IT. It was demanding as hell, stressful and exhausting. It turns out that helping Seriously Mentally Ill adults is ridiculously hard. And only slightly fulfilling. I lasted 18 months, which was actually pretty long at the place where I worked.
So, back to square one.
After that, I went to Citi where I was a Fraud Associate, then an Administrative Assistant, and later a Quality Analyst. All blah and nothing great.
And now I'm a mom - the best job I've ever had. Sure, the pay sucks and the hours are long. But the overall fulfillment and happiness? Through the roof. But what will I do when all of our kids are in school and no longer need me at home all day? I don't know that yet. I would really love to find the career of my dreams at some point if possible, but I'm also okay with maybe volunteering or doing something part-time that is somewhat fun (and maybe eating some bon bons and enjoying SILENCE!).
But, I no longer feel this big pressure on my shoulders to figure it all out and find an awesome job that will impress people and that I find exhilirating. Nah. At this point in my life, my family is first and foremost, and I feel like I have my priorities (mostly) straight. If I find a great career down the road, that's fantastic. And if not? That's okay, too.
I always felt from a young age that I could do anything I wanted. I could BE somebody. I felt I had the brains and the ambition to MAKE IT HAPPEN. The only problem was, what exactly did I want to be? In high school, I decided to be a microbiologist but another year of biology changed my mind. When I started college, I toyed with a myriad of careers and took all sorts of classes in an attempt to find a major. Did I want to direct movies? Be a computer scientist? Be an FBI or CIA Agent? Nope, nope, and nope (although I admit being FBI still does intrigue me a little).
Eventually, I realized I just needed to make a decision unless I wanted to be a career student. the irony was that even though I got good grades, I really hated going to school, so that wasn't an option. So, I settled on Sociology with a minor in Business. And I'll be honest, I was disappointed in this choice (especially since I was dating an Engineer - boy did I feel like an underachiever!). I had so much drive and desire but nowhere to go with it! I did all sorts of research to try and find the "perfect job." No luck. I took a test that is supposed to tell you where you interest is. The result? Apparently it was so disturbing that I had a special meeting to discuss the worrisome findings - I had no interest in anything. I kid you not.
So, I went along with my Sociology classes (which I actually liked and found interesting ) and eventually graduated (in 3.5 years no less) with my degree that opens little to no doors. And I decided that I wanted to help people. Yes! I would be a Social Worker! Actually, first I decided maybe I wanted to go to law school and even took the LSAT and applied. I got wait listed but didn't get in, but by then I had already determined my new path - save the people! It took me several months to find a job since I had no experience, but I did it! And you know what? I ABSOLUTELY HATED IT. It was demanding as hell, stressful and exhausting. It turns out that helping Seriously Mentally Ill adults is ridiculously hard. And only slightly fulfilling. I lasted 18 months, which was actually pretty long at the place where I worked.
So, back to square one.
After that, I went to Citi where I was a Fraud Associate, then an Administrative Assistant, and later a Quality Analyst. All blah and nothing great.
And now I'm a mom - the best job I've ever had. Sure, the pay sucks and the hours are long. But the overall fulfillment and happiness? Through the roof. But what will I do when all of our kids are in school and no longer need me at home all day? I don't know that yet. I would really love to find the career of my dreams at some point if possible, but I'm also okay with maybe volunteering or doing something part-time that is somewhat fun (and maybe eating some bon bons and enjoying SILENCE!).
But, I no longer feel this big pressure on my shoulders to figure it all out and find an awesome job that will impress people and that I find exhilirating. Nah. At this point in my life, my family is first and foremost, and I feel like I have my priorities (mostly) straight. If I find a great career down the road, that's fantastic. And if not? That's okay, too.
4 comments:
I have the same thoughts all the time. As Anna approaches kindergarten age (OMG!), I keep thinking it's time to start thinking. Good for you for staying in the moment. Someday I hope we'll look back on these at-home years as the most formative of our lives. Or maybe just the shortest.
I'm so glad you've found your calling! Starting my job has made me think a lot about what my "calling" is. I wish working in radio and being a Mom didn't seem mutually exclusive. But radio will always be there (I sure hope anyway.)
I too was always a good student. The difference between you and me though is that while you went into sociology while trying to figure out what to do, I went into engineering while trying to figure out what to do.
I still remember my first interview, and one of the questions they kept asking me was why I wanted to an engineer and why I chose that major. I didn't have an answer for them. They didn't like the "I went into engineering because my high school guidance counselor said I should try to get into CU's engineering program. And that's why I applied. I haven't switched out because I'm lazy." answer I gave.
For a second there I thought you were writing my history...except for the 3rd in my graduating class and dating till college...wow! I even considered Sociology. I felt much less pressure to figure out my employment destiny once I had Corben. Great post - I can totally relate!!
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